Saturday, 13 September 2008


Did you see what I did there?

Its the final weekend in Kigali. It could very well be the last weekend ever in Kigali. Why do I sense that this isn't over though? The sense that I'll be back here in the new year getting my back slapped by the waiters in Chez Lando.

So a pub crawl is in order. The Kigali Krawl. A gaggle of us, consultants, Australians, and other heavy drinkers. One day we'll publish an official route guide to the Kigali Krawl, they'll sell it in the ORPTN office at a hugely inflated price to amorphously-shaped American tourists. Grown men wearing baseball caps. Supposedly the most advanced nation on earth.

The Kigali Krawl

(Based on field notes, and inspired by the cheap wine lady)

The Kigali Krawl Kicks off at Karibu.


Every taxi driver, moto-rider, butcher, baker, candlestick maker, knows where Karibu is. An ideal, low key, place to start a krawl through town.

The waiter brings hot nuts. Good thinking Mr Waiter.

We're lingering a bit, need to get the momentum up.

Last time I was in here they were showing the A-Team dubbed into French: "Je plains l'imb├ęcile". There are middle class eaters comprised mostly of tall women with a haughty camelid demeanour and men in bad suits. They stare disapprovingly at our noisy group. We eat our bad food and toddle off.

The voices in my head are singing:
You see I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can't remember your name
'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,la,la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,la,la

Don't know why. Good song though.

Fine Dine.
Packed with Anglophile Rwandese. They don't stare, but the wazungu in the corner do. Architecturally it has a post-colonial Asmara coffee shop vibe. I haven't been to Asmara. Thats the vibe though. I like it. There is a band. LIVE MUSIC WITH REAL LIVE MUSICIANS PLAYING AND SINGING AND PEOPLE SMILING AND DANCING. In Kigali. Thats not right. Has this been sanctioned by the correct authorities? I'll come here again next week. Ah. Too late.

Skip the Mille Collines, lets shoot some pool. Two shots to you. Two shots to you. Two shots to you. One shot on the black.

Nice potato wedges. I should've eaten more.

Informers make the smokers go outside. Funny. It doesn't seem like the sort of place that informers would drink.

New. Look at this. Coffee tables, illegal gay waiters, and copies of wallpaper* magazine scattered around. We could be in New York.

US troops? what are they doing here? Stop staring at us. No, sorry, stop staring at the girls.

This is a Krawl - coffee is for cheats!

Those two South African idiots again. Lets move on.

Wot no ribs. Bring on the pork and chips. And more beer. Here's Boniface. Forgot to call him, but he found us anyway. Good.

Pork and chips. Drunkeness, perhaps if I just keep talking no one will notice I'm drunk

Lets walk to One Love. Who is this guy following us. Does he know kung fu?

"Do you know Kung Fu?"


"Do you know Kung Fu?"


One Love / Orion
Orion: No, rubbish.
One Love: Yes, good.
Open air reggae dancing. I am the only one dancing. Coca-cola to keep me sober.

"Do you know Kung fu?"

Taxi. Hotel. Bed.

1 comment:

Maurice said...

somewhere between mille collines and torero i would add panafrique near the main roundabout (towards nyabugogo). Pretty good brochettes amazing view, wild atmosphere during football matches and partly outdoor pissoirs for pissing whilst admiring a panoramic night view of kigali.